Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
