You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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