I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
