is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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