elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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