We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
