She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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