Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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