using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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