so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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