Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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