Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
whose parrot is this?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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