I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
