sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
