I heard we made out
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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