I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
