Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
