3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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