I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
