girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
