we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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