So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
