Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
