I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
