His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
