Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
