cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
