I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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