Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
