What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
