No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
