I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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