Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
