I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
