I'm lost and stupid without you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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