we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
