Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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