Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
