It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
