I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
