Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
