"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
