And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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