I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
