dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
