what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
