am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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