In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she looked like the before picture.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
