I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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