420 ftw
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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