My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
